Enjoying God - Week #3

Chapter Three: The Wounded Heart

As I’m reading through this book now, I’m struck with the reality that a big part of what the author is teaching in this book is the need that we humans have for “storge” love. Storge love is the foundational family love that a baby must have if he or she is going to relate healthily to other loves that will come later into his/her life. This is the foundational love that comes primarily through the gracious mother who loves the child unconditionally before he or she has ever done anything to “deserve” to be loved and accepted. (See C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves for teaching on four basic loves, among which is storge love.)

It’s this unconditional and never-ending acceptance and enjoyment of the little one that lays the foundation for future relationships and other loves. If a child misses out on this early in life for whatever reason, he is more prone to falling into illicit relationships when he gets older because he is lacking the core sense of being that makes him know he is a person of significance and doesn't need to find his identity in someone else. When there is a solid sense of being, one isn’t as easily seduced by substitutes (drugs, alcohol, perverted sex, even work and ministry, etc.) that come along to fill the longing for love and significance that all of us humans have.

The heart of God the Father is fascinating and intriguing to me, because in it are all the wonderful virtues of a mother as well as those of a father. And so the ability in God to fully accept and own me as His daughter (no matter how weak and immature I am) is what we see in a mother’s unconditional love but also what we should see in a human father’s unconditional acceptance and enjoyment of his child.

As the child grows up, boundaries that are established in order to bring discipline and responsibility into his life are constructive and life-giving when set up within the context of unconditional love and acceptance.

In this chapter on the wounded heart, S.J. Hill addresses the failure of human fathers primarily (though it’s true to a lesser extent with mothers as well) to unconditionally love and enjoy their children and how that impacts the child’s view of God the Father. After giving a specific example, the author says, “Because the teenager had a bad experience with his own father, he was unable to grasp the goodness, kindness and loving nature of the heavenly Father...Ideally, our experience with our father should point us to the heart of a greater Father who loves His children more than any earthly father ever could.”

As I continue to mature in God’s love, I’m more impressed with how important it is that we really know God the Father. I am going slowly through the Gospel of John now, taking the time to allow the Holy Spirit to apply the words of Jesus to me personally and let them seep down deeply into me as I say “yes” in agreement with what He is saying to and about me. Right now I am in John 14 where Jesus is saying that He wants to introduce us to His Father; what He says about being the Way to the Father suggests that knowing the Father is the ultimate experience a human can have and is where true healing takes place. (Philip confessed to Jesus, “Show us the Father and we shall be satisfied”, in this portion.)

(I heard the story of Clay McLean who was healed and cleansed of homosexuality; in his journey as a young Christian, He loved Jesus but one day when the Lord said to him, “Clay, I want to introduce you to my Father,” he panicked because of his experience with his earthly father.)

In this chapter, S.J. Hill speaks of several types of earthly fathers that are not unusual even within the Christian community of faith and points how that can impact our view of the heavenly Father:
1) The Performance-Oriented Father – this is the father who expresses his approval only after his child has accomplished something of significance. “While our achievements should be recognized and celebrated, they should never be a prerequisite for receiving parental love and affirmation…The performance-driven mentality eventually spills over into our personal relationship with Christ. Initially, as young Christians we may sense God’s love and experience the simplicity of relationship, but it doesn’t take long before we think we’re not doing enough.” Speaking of his own experience as the son of a pastor, Hill says that “even when I hadn’t done anything wrong, I felt guilty for not doing all the things I believed I should be doing…I used to believe that to experience success in my Christian life, I had to work harder. But I discovered that the key to spiritual success was not strenuous work, but spiritual rest and intimacy with my heavenly Father…”
2) The Passive Father – a passive father appears distant and rarely gets involved in the personal affairs of the child’s life; he isn’t very affectionate and seldom shows his emotions. If we have had this kind of father, we may believe that God doesn’t care about the little things of our life and consequently, we run to Him only in emergencies. This hinders us from a truly intimate relationship with Him because we fear He’s not that interested in us.
3) The Punitive Father – this kind of father places demands on us that break the child’s spirit. “An authoritarian father tends to rule with a mixture of fear and guilt…(he) believes that if he reminds his children of their faults, they will be motivated to try harder…If you grew up with a father or mother who was demanding and abusive, you may have difficulty receiving the love of the heavenly Father; you may tend to think He is always looking for some fault in you. As a result, it will be difficult for you to picture Him smiling over you in loving approval.”

Does God have a Good Heart?
The strongholds of rejection and fear that get set up within us because of wrong parenting can only be broken through coming to grips with the inaccurate concepts that we have in our minds about God.

“The human heart longs to know God and be known by Him. But like a lover who has been wronged, we guard our hearts against future disappointments…Wrong ideas about God are not automatically flushed from our minds when we are first saved. We must continually reshape our way of thinking through an accurate knowledge of God’s heart and character (II Cor. 10:4,5; Rom. 12:2).

Satan’s goal is to keep us in the dark about God’s true feelings and intentions for us…

If we want our hearts to be captivated by the beauty and splendor of God, we must aggressively attack these demonic strongholds. We must allow the truth of God’s Word not only to wash our minds of fleshly, immature ways of thinking but also to tenderize our hearts so we can walk in the freedom of God’s love. It’s only as we understand how God feels about us that the strongholds of the enemy will be overthrown in our hearts and minds.”

In closing I want to underscore what the author says about the importance of understanding how God feels about us. I’m discovering that one of the most effective ways to be healed of emotional brokenness is to experience personally the wholeness of God’s emotions; we begin to touch His emotions towards us in adoring prayer. In other words, prayer that looks into His face, listens for His words of affirmation, says “yes” to what He says (in spite of what my guts scream out in reaction), then obeys anything He may say to me to do. After doing this, do it again…and again…and again. His Word and His Spirit will do the work that we cannot do, as we simply lay our heart before Him and reach out for Him; but it takes time and perseverance to dislodge deeply ingrained mindsets (strongholds), so don’t give up easily!

It helps to pray a lot in your prayer language (tongues) if you have that gift; it is a powerful means of cooperating with the Holy Spirit in the strengthening of your “inner man” (Eph. 3:16). Singing the Word and fasting are other ways of accelerating the work of the Spirit in reversing inaccurate ways of viewing God.

The Lord bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine on you and be gracious to you… this biblical prayer reflects the understanding that the human heart longs for the gracious smile of the Father, just as the infant looks into the mother’s gracious eyes for her approval. And so I pray this prayer for you this week as you pause periodically to look and listen for His affirming word that you are His child, unconditionally accepted in the Beloved and enjoyed by Him!

For next week we’ll read chapter four, The Audience of One.