The Dark Night: Idols Being Toppled, Desiring God for God Alone

Gerald May was a psychiatrist who worked with addicts; he wrote several books, two of which I have read and reread because of their impact on me. Although he was a brilliant doctor, his writings are almost devotional and inspiring. He had an unusual ability to blend his understanding of psychology and theology. The following quote is from his wonderful book, The Dark Night of the Soul. It is one of the finest books I've read on this topic.

Although this book is not directed at substance abusers, he makes reference to them at times because of his work with them and his understanding that all humans are addicted. In referring to recovering addicts who cling to God simply because of the "desperate need to stay alive," May says the following,

"Many people continue in recovery this way for years - perhaps for their whole lives. Others, however, experience something different at a certain point along the way. After having worked the program for a while, a person may begin to notice that what began as a desperate need for God is changing into a loving desire for God. It is as if God were saying, 'Of course I want to be your saving Higher Power. But I also want to be so much more to you. I want to be your deepest love.' And somehow, something in the person's heart has become free enough to say yes to this barely heard invitation...

"Before, one needed God as the agent of recovery, the divine dispenser of grace. Now this need is developing into a love for God as God's self. This is a beautiful happening, but it brings with it a new relinquishment that can feel deeply threatening. Along with the sweetness of emerging love comes a certain shakiness about recovery. Recovery is no longer the single most important thing in life. Something else has taken place, and the fear of relapse grows.

"Later, one may come to realize that recovery, as the most important thing in life, had become an idol. God was a means to an end: recovery. Then in darkness, after the heart said yes and love grew, the idol of recovery teetered and fell. The powers had shifted. Recovery is now no longer the end, but only a means in the service of love.

"All the signs of the night are there in this transition. What had worked before no longer does, and one's previous energetic dedication is waning. More disturbing still, the deep care, the desperate need for recovery seems undermined. And if given the unusual insight and courage to admit it, one would have to say the deepest desire is no longer for recovery but for God alone."