Wounds that Heal - Week #2

The Lord bless you, and thank you to those who have responded (both in writing and in person) to this book already!

Chapter two (Despised and Rejected) opens with a revealing quote from Frank Lake (Clinical Theology):
"Children descend into hell when love is squeezed out of them by parental neglect. There is a connection between this and the rejection of Christ."

Because rejection is such a common experience for most humans, the author says that this is a good place to begin if we are bringing our wounds to the cross to see them in the light of Jesus' wounds.

Rejection can come to us both in blatant ways and in subtle ways. Sometimes it comes to a child through the words of a parent that are imprinted on the child's memory; words such as:

• "If I were a good mother, I would have put you in a foster home by now."
• "You were an accident, a mistake. We never wanted you..."
• "You should have been a boy (or girl)"
• "If you tell anyone (about the sexual abuse), I'll kill you...it's part of growing up and you'd better get used to it."
• Etc.

Sometimes rejection may not be so direct but has the same devastating effects. The author tells the story of a young seminarian whose father was addicted to his work and was never around for his son; consequently, under the immense pressures of his studies and work and his family responsibilities, he succumbed to engaging in internet pornography, attempting to cope with the deep and hidden anger at his father for not accepting and affirming him as his son.

I believe a key point made by Seamands in this chapter is the following: "True human personhood is patterned after divine personhood. Our understanding of divine personhood is grounded in the belief that God is one but exists in the communion of three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit...when we consider the three persons of the triune God, we understand the uniqueness of each, not by accentuating their separateness from one another, but by focusing on their relationships with one another...Taking our cue from divine personhood, we conclude that persons exist not separate from but in relationship with others...Relationships, then, are essential to human personhood. We cannot be persons apart from our connection to others. This explains why wounds of rejection cut so deeply, particularly those wounds inflicted during our early years when our sense of personhood is being formed...As children, we desperately need to relate to our parents. Our very personhood, our sense of being, depends on it."

He was Despised and Rejected

Isaiah 53:3 "He was despised and rejected by others...and as one from whom others hide their faces he was despised, and we held him of no account."

Quoting Henri Blocher, the author says, "The need for acceptance, esteem, acknowledgment, is one of the basic hungers of human personality, especially of such a sensitive and open personality as the Servant's. How agonizing to be starved of them! The Servant will be utterly despised by men."

Although Jesus tasted of rejection in his life as a man (John 1:11), it all "came to an excruciating climax on Good Friday." Seamands goes on to give account of the forms of rejection that Jesus experienced:

• The rejection of neglect: in His final meal with His disciples, Jesus experienced their insensitivity to pain in His heart. In their preoccupation with themselves, they were oblivious to what He was feeling (John 13:21).
• The rejection of disloyalty: despite all their immaturity and failures, Jesus had remained true to His disciples, but when they were tested, they denied Him (Mark 14:27-31).
• The rejection of betrayal: this is the most painful of rejections - being turned against as if they were enemies by those you love. Jesus suffered this at the hands of Judas.
• The rejection of unfairness: although Jesus was perfectly innocent of any crime or law-breaking against Rome, such was the unfairness and injustice surrounding His trial that He ended up on a Roman cross (much more violent and prolonged than other punishment).
• The rejection of mockery: Mark 15:29-32 describes the mockery and taunting Jesus went through during the trial and all the way till His death.
• The rejection of physical abuse: most of us have probably heard descriptions of the physical abuse Jesus suffered; His enduring of such violence enables Him to understand and identify with all who have suffered some kind of physical abuse.
• The worst rejection, of course, was that of His Father's abandonment of Him (Matt. 27:46). How well He knows the suffering of a child that has been abandoned and rejected by a parent.

Hebrews 4:15 says that Jesus is touched with the feelings of our infirmities (KJV) and so can sympathize with us.

I want to encourage you, as does Stephen Seamands, to take the time to meditate on the rejection and abandonment that Jesus suffered and then look at your own experience of rejection in the light of His. You will draw strength from the fact that He understands because He has been through it all.

But also remember that He not only understands and identifies with us, He also participates in our suffering; on the cross our rejection was laid upon Him.

The author writes: "You may have carried the grief and sorrow of rejection for years. Now as you stand before the cross, hear Jesus saying, 'Give it all to me. Let me bear your rejection in my broken body. Let me absorb the pain into myself...Give me the abuse. Let me bear the brunt of your rejections. Let my wounds of rejection touch and carry yours.'

"The cross also addresses the results of rejection. Because others reject us, we find it difficult to accept ourselves...At the cross, however, God's opinion of us stands fully revealed. We are of inestimable value to God. Accepted in Jesus the Beloved, we are loved beyond measure, even worth dying for (Rom. 5:8)...Accepted. Beloved. Of infinite worth to God. That's what the cross tells us about ourselves. No rejection, anywhere or anytime, can ever change that."

If any of this resonates with you, I urge you to do the hard work of processing your suffering with Jesus at the cross. I say "hard work" because it requires discipline to take the time to look honestly at unresolved or unhealed wounds of rejection and abandonment. But you must do this with the Lord Jesus. No one can bear to look honestly at their own suffering alone. Jesus has borne all human suffering, and that includes yours and mine.

Take the Scriptures that are scattered through this posting and Isaiah 53 and allow the Holy Spirit to do what He loves to do, which is to reveal the Son, Jesus, to the human heart.

The purpose of facing this with Him is to receive His healing and move ahead beyond healing into ongoing maturing in Him. But for some this may take some time and much courage. Along the way you may need some human help, but always remember that only the Lord can heal you, and part of your journey will be just you and Him together. He wants to share in this with you since He has already borne your pain. He will shepherd you well because He knows you so well and knows what you are able to bear.

For some of you this may not be applicable, either because it hasn't been your experience or you aren't yet aware; but I trust this book will help you help the many, many around you who are in need of help and prayer.

Blessings on you this week! The Lord is with you; may the work of the cross and the power of the Holy Spirit be more real to you than ever before as you listen for His affirming voice this week.