Father, Forgive Them
In reading this chapter, it causes me to wonder about the difficulty involved in folks knowing deeply that they truly have given forgiveness especially to someone or situation that seemingly does not “deserve” it. Actually, they do not deserve forgiveness, and neither do we. It is the grace of God that makes forgiveness even possible. Let us get our eyes off “deserving”, whether it is the other or if it is us. And set our eyes and hearts on the “grace” aspect. It is His love!!
This chapter opens with the story of a woman who is bound in hatred, hatred toward her father. As a teacher, a question from a young student caused this woman to ponder deeply and she still pondered the question as she dozed off. She slept on it and when she woke up in the morning, she did not hear anything, and did not see anything, but she experienced an impression of Christ on the cross saying the words, “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.” This was God’s gift of a revelation from His Spirit to the woman. She states, “At that moment it was as though a tremendous weight was lifted from me.” The hatred she had been experiencing had blocked her relationship with God. She found that if Jesus could accept crucifixion in the spirit of forgiveness, then she should be able to forgive also. Jesus’ words gave her a pattern for forgiving and also released power in her to be able to forgive.
“The Christian imperative to forgive those who have inflicted pain on us is a call to imitate Jesus. However, we are not called to imitate Christ in our own strength…as we will to forgive, he imparts his strength to us. The word of forgiveness spoken on the cross is also spoken in us.”
The Seven Steps of Forgiveness
“Forgiveness unlocks the door to healing, restoration, freedom and renewal.” We cannot be healed of hurts without our forgiving those that wounded us. As the lack of forgiveness kept the lady above from a relationship with God, so with us that have experienced deep woundedness, a lack of forgiveness keeps us from receiving that healing we so desire.
Preparing to Forgive: steps 1 – 3 are directed toward the past.
1) Facing the facts.
To be ruthlessly honest about what was done to us is so painful in itself…but we must not have excuses. We must see it in “all its horror, dirt, meanness and malice” and yet being reconciled to the person responsible.
2) Feeling the hurt.
To connect with the feelings that are involved in rejection, loneliness, fear, anger, shame and depression is no small feat. Henri Nouwen’s quote is so apropos here:
“The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter into your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your wounds to your head or to your heart. In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go down into your heart.”
3) Confronting our hate.
Forgiving involves letting go of hatred or resentment toward the persons who have wounded us but it does take acknowledging it. We must admit we resent those who wronged us, for a part of us hates them for what they did. Forgiveness is not blaming ourselves…even though we may not be completely innocent, but forgiveness requires the courage to confront our hatred.
The Heart of Forgiveness: steps 4 – 5 are focused on the present.
4) Bearing the pain.
This is well said in the quote the author used by Theologian H.R. Macintosh: “In every great forgiveness there is enshrined a great agony.”
When we forgive, we bear pain. God in Christ carried and bore that pain as well. When we forgive others, we are bearing, absorbing the pain and taking the punishment that the other deserves….not to replace what Christ did, but Christ in and through us is bearing that pain and punishment.
5) Releasing those who have wronged us.I thought it was interesting that when we forgive, we relinquish the role of judge, jury and executioner and actually turn the other over to God…as stated it involves a voluntary “releasing a person or thing over which one has legal or actual control.” “vengeance is not mine, but Thine alone.” And it carries some risk. Because, as the author states, when I choose to put down the sword, it is like I put down myself. This resentment and executioner part may become part of our identity and what would there be without it?
The David Augsburger quote is deep in itself. “'forgive’ is an extended, expanded, strengthened form of the verb to give. This speaks of giving at its deepest level, of self-giving, of giving forth and giving up deeply held parts of the self.” When we give up control to God, His presence and power are released.A clarifying thought…that bearing the pain and releasing those who have wronged us has to do with our attitudes; seeking justice has to do with our actions toward them. It offers them “an opportunity to face the truth about themselves, admit and turn from it.
Starting Over: steps 6 – 7 focuses on the future.
6) Assuming Responsibility for ourselves.
When we forgive, we have to begin to take responsibility for our own choices. We can’t blame someone else. It seems in our society that you are better off as being victimized. But when we do take responsibility, we declare that what happened doesn’t define who we are…our identity is not our pain. Just think, finally finding our own identity apart from the pain…we want to know who we really are. We can see that losing our victim identity can be like losing a friend. Pain and resentment falsely attempts to meet our needs. So we must release them in order to be free to determine our destiny apart from any wounds. What painful joy.
7) Longing for Reconciliation.
Forgiveness works by creating in us that longing for reconciliation even if the other is not willing to be reconciled with us. Forgiveness has a negative side in that it is about letting go of bitterness and revoking revenge. That in itself is healing. But forgiveness has a positive side in that it is about reconciling, the coming together of persons who have been alienated to each other. I think I will vote for both to be effective.
Forgiving at the Cross:
“The process of forgiving brings us to the cross of Christ. So, as Christians, we forgive not only in the presence of an offender but also at the foot of the cross in the presence of Christ.” II Cor 2:10 is used as a reference.
It seems it could be difficult to reason that forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. We choose to forgive even with some negative emotions. And, of course, we can get the help of our Lord to make us willing to forgive when needed. The author goes on to say that on the cross, Jesus bore the wrongs done to him but He also bore the wrongs done to us. As He was forgiving those who wronged Him, could He as well forgive those who wronged us?
I just have to put in this quote by Leanne Payne that the author uses: “From this person I had suffered assaults that were irrational and weighted by envy, lying, and slander. But on this day a final act came to light, one that to me was and still is unthinkable, one designed to destroy me and all I held dear. The act went right to the core of me. In pain and amazement, I knew for the first time how in the passion of hate one person could kill another human being…I fell to me knees and cried out to God for help. “Please do not let me hate,” I cried over and over. Getting no relief, I phoned a friend to come over and help me pray. All afternoon, having thrown myself face down over the living room ottoman, I cried out to God and my prayer partner cried out with me…Then came a moment when instantly my pleading was interrupted by an amazing awareness of Christ in me, and from that center where He and I were mysteriously one, forgiveness was extended to my enemy. It was as if Christ in and through me forgave the person (who can explain such a thing?)…yet I too forgave.”
Like Leanne, we obtain grace in his presence to release resentment and revenge. As we wait at the cross Jesus will speak the forgiving word in us.
I suppose we all would agree with the author that this forgiveness process happens over time and layer by layer. And following forgiveness, we often experience an overwhelming sense of sadness and I found that this sadness lingers awhile. Sadness is hard to beat. Actually, I have come to sense that this “sadness” can be turned into an intercession—sensing the sadness in a situation, the world situation, or in a person. I remember listening through the night to healing worship music as well as some Taize music. The releasing of these hurts and the receiving of healing deepens in our lives. The many “emotional twists” along the way doesn’t mean we start over but we reaffirm our will to forgive and again, ask the Lord to deepen it.
There is grace to forgive…let us partake of it in any area of our life where it is needed.“Father, forgive them.” Cause us, cause me, to walk in forgiveness, Lord. You are Grace.
Read this rendition of The Beatitudes as done by the Taize brothers...would be great to have the music along with it. This is one song I listened to over and over again for quite some time.
Happy all who are poor in spirit
For the kingdom of heaven is theirs
Happy all those who now are weeping
The joy of God will comfort them
Happy all the humble the gentle
For the earth one day will be theirs
Happy all who for justice hunger
They shall receive their heart’s desire
Happy all with hearts clear and simple
For they shall come to see their God
Happy all creators of true peace
They shall be called the children of God
Happy all suffering persecution
For the kingdom of heaven is theirs
Happy all who persevere for Christ
For in God they’ll be filled with joy
For next week, we will read chapter 9: “Love Your Enemies.”
We begin the book Enjoying God by S. J. Hill (Relevant Books) on May 11. Enjoying God will challenge and encourage you to pursue a passionate, intimate relationship with God. The book exposes misunderstandings that can damage and jeopardize your faith and it uncovers a biblical understanding of God as Father. God will move you from duty to delight in your relationship with Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment