Having been raised and trained in the holiness stream of Christianity, I know the language of "death to self" well. There is truth to this, of course, but my own experience and the experience of many who I have listened to over the years who have come out of that world has taught me that, as is true of any slice of truth in God that becomes all of the truth, this language has become fraught with confusion and distortion.
The following is a short quote from an article from Peter Enns' blog that is helpful along these lines. He is quoting from a book by James Martin, Becoming Who You Are (here).
For me to be a saint means to be myself,…Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and discovering my true self” (p. ix).
These might be off-putting, even scary, words for those raised in a Christian faith where “we” are the problem that needs fixing. I mean, Jesus even said you have to lose your life if you want to find it.
But Merton is in fact saying just that. Note Merton speaks of “discovering my true self.” The true self is “the person we are before God and the person we are meant to be” (p. 18). The false self, by contrast, is “the person that we wish to present to the world, and the person we want the whole world to revolve around” (p. 19)"
To read the whole review of this book by Peter Enns, see here.
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